Review: Diablo 3. Tool tips are serious business.

Diablo 3 Review: Tool Tips Are Serious Business

Diablo 2 released on June 29 2000. Needless to say we’ve all been waiting a long time for Diablo 3. Does it live up to over a decade of anticipation? Diablo 3 sold 3.5 million copies in the first 24 hours and last I heard was at about 7 million.

I was pretty hesitant about buying Diablo 3. It has a hefty price tag at about 60 bucks. Online-only is a negative that makes such a hefty price tag less than enticing. I participated in the Beta and wanted to see more past the level 13 progress limit. I just wasn’t really pulled in and got bored after a few hours of playing the beta. There really hasn’t been much out lately to excite me so I just couldn’t help myself and picked up D3. I did enjoy the original games and games like Titan Quest so I am a fan of the genre.

Skeptics hit the nail on the head when they stressed online-only as a rather large negative. Down-time has been a common occurrence in Diablo 3. Scheduled maintenance is expected but Blizzard does like to take the server down in the middle of the day with nothing but a fifteen minute warning and then call it scheduled. They did this today and the reason was: we’re fixing tool tips. Yes, tool fucking tips bro.

Checkpoints are another issue. Meaning automatic save points which you can return to. You run through 5 hours of difficult hell or inferno content and leave the game thinking you can return to the last checkpoint. Oh silly you. Damn you Blizzard. Damn you to… inferno!

Joining a public game doesn’t put you with other players on the quest you select. Nope. You get shoved back at the beginning of the act and are forced to play through hours of content you already completed. You can however open your game to the public and start where you left off. It’s too much to ask for this to make sense.

Once you’ve completed normal and nightmare modes which can be plowed through in a few days your next difficulty mode is hell and then inferno. I love a hard core game like everyone else and trust me; my complaint is not the difficulty. My complaint is the mechanics. There are none. Mobs are given several more abilities in hell and inferno. And these spells range from creating walls, invulnerability shields, molten lava fireballs of death and so forth. This would give the illusion of a mechanic but don’t make me laugh. Har har mechanics. What’s that!?

Mobs just randomly choose targets and rape glass cannons and tanks alike with no rhyme or reason. IF you had a monk or barbarian (these classes received 20% damage reduction) in your group then they’re about as useless as a wet toilet paper square in a house fire without any real taunt abilities to curtail the chaos. You have no control. Not a damn sliver. Get used to it.

The story is a joke. But this is a loot game. And loot is awesome! When you get it and when the stats aren’t fucking atrocious. Which is 99.9% of the time.

I actually like Act 1. Act 2 is alright. But Act 3 and 4 all but prove that Blizzard got bored making this game and said “Fuck it”. Apparently hell is made up of nothing but platform after platform and heaven looks like an elven city built in the clouds. Angels are just push overs that get wiped out by demons that shove them onto pikes. Probably anally.

Titan Quest rocked this game hard. TQ is the longest game I’ve ever played in 29 years and that isn’t counting the expansion. It was a Diablo clone and a damn good one. Looting was fun. Areas were well designed. The story was more interesting. Just an all around good game. Diablo’s development team just said “fuck it these stupid assholes will enjoy anything Blizzard shits out”.

There are few redeeming factors for Diablo 3. I can’t think of what they are though. There’s something. I swear. Maybe. Ok for some reason it is somewhat addictive. I just can’t figure out why. But really I would have taken a Titan Quest 2 over this steaming… @&&#(SERVER SHUT DOWN IN 15 MINUTES.

God Damnit.


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